Hi friends! I admit I have a huge problem creating unattainable expectations for myself. It is a serious problem and at times it steals my joy. It leads me to negativity and destructive self-talk. It wasn’t until I started to notice it that I was able to take steps to positive self-talk and setting realistic expectations.
Here are just an example of unrealistic expectations I would set as a mother.
l) make organic and fresh meals for my kids
2) no video games or watch too much television
3) set a schedule for homework and be by their side to help them with it
Bascially be the perfect mom and be on all the time, going 100% everyday
I made Nutella and peanut butter sandwichess more than I care to admit and we survive days on chicken nuggets.
They watch youtube and play video games and too much television.
We have zero organization or schedule for homework and there are times it doesn’t get done.
I am not always on 100% of the time and for the last few years, I have been juggling going to college fulltime while still being mom and wife. Now, I am starting a business.
My self-talk was so negative. I felt like a failure, but in reality, my kids were alive and thriving. I was doing well in school. Everyone was alive and happy, but I couldn’t see it. I saw dishes, unfinished homework, kids sitting and watching t.v. becasue I had several assignments that needed my attention. Bedtimes were a joke. In my eyes, I was failing as a mother. I was failing as a student and I was not meeting the expectation I had set in my mind. My tendacy to over achieve and unrealistic expectations for myself was not allowing me to see all the good that surrounded me.
Let me be the first to tell you, I will NEVER be the person I have set in my mind. Because that person does not live in reality. In reality, life happens. So, here are a few tips on how I fought back to reality and setting goals that I can achieve while maintaining postive self-talk.
Reality check time!
And I mean look at your daily schedule. Time is finite. You only have a set number of hours in a day, set small attainable goals. I like to set daily expectations. Prioritize what is most important and allow room for flexability, becasue life happens. Kids will get hurt, you will get sick, spouses schedules will change leaving you to pick up the slack. It is okay to not cross everything off your to-do list every day. It is okay to get things done in a messy chaotic way. It still got done.
Show yourself some grace!
You are not perfect and you never will be, accept it now! We cannot look at the women who seem to have it all together and compare ourselves. I gurantee they are struggling, they are just better at hiding it. I know, becasue I am that person. I strive for perfection and fear failure. I can make everything look fine from the outside and be screaming and crying on the inside. But, I am learning to embrace my imperfections and allow myself to fail and move on. I am trying to be more open and honest about my struggles. I do not have to have it all together. I am doing the best I can.
Slow your roll!
Yep, I said it! Stop taking on one task after another. Stop saying yes to everything because you think you can do it all. You can’t! Seriouly, you can’t. I have tried and I have failed. I literally put my health at risk because I was overcommited and ignoring my own body telling me to slow down. My expectation to do everything and be amazing led me to crippling stress. How productive was I then? Not very. I take a moment daily to slow down. I workout, take the dogs on a walk, or just unplug. I am my greatest priority mentally and physically. Find what works for you. Take a walk, meditate, read, anything that can help you reset and reenergize you.
I do not want you to read this and think you need to lower your expectaions for yourself. Absolutly, not! But, take a look at reality. Do you have the time, are you practicing positive self-talk, are you able to take a step back and have a moment to breath? Can you see the joy in an imperfect moment? If your answer is no, then you my friend are not setting realistic expectations. We live in a world where we are plugged in 24/7. We are wired to think we have to be 100% all the time. We set expectations to a reality that doesn’t exist.
It’s time for a reality check friends. It’s time to show ourselves some grace, and to allow ourselves to slow down and oh my gosh, say NO every once in a while. You got this! We got this!