A lady never tells her real age so we will leave it at, I am in my 30’s. You know what I have learned so far about friendship.
It’s really f***ing hard to make friends as an adult and even more difficult to keep friends.
I know you can relate. You are saying YES GIRL! PREACH! well, you are in my head at least. It’s really hard and frustrating. We have social media which helps us feel a little less alone, but I’m not talking about Instagram friends. I’m talking about friends who are physically present in your life.
How do we make them, how do we keep them and why is it so darn hard to find them? Well here are a few unsolicited tips.
1. Be a friend to yourself first!
You cannot be a good friend until you are a friend to the person in the mirror. Yep, you heard me. Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you talk kindly to her (you)? If you answered no, then chances are you are not ready nor do you attract meaningful and healthy friendships.
If you are in any way trying to be someone or something you are not, you will surround yourself with those people. This will result in having shallow friends. Because news flash, they don’t like themselves either. Do you really want to let their toxicity into your life? I think NOT!
2. You do not have to be everyone’s friend!
I’m not saying it is okay to be a complete jerk, but you do not have to like everyone. You should be kind always, but do not feel obligated to be someone’s friend. If you feel forced to hang out with someone please, do yourself and them a favor and cut ties. We are not in middle school. As an adult, you do not have time to spend with people who don’t mean a lot to you. Babysitters cost money people! I’m not spending my hard earned money on a fake or forced friendship!
Side Note: If you see someone you really don’t want to hang out with PLEASE PLEASE do not feel obligated to say “Oh hey we should catch up and hang out sometime”. You do not have to do that if you don’t mean it. It is unhealthy for everyone.
Chances are if they have not made an effort to contact you, they don’t really want to catch up and hang out either. Just say hi ask how they are and move on.
3. Friendships naturally fizzle, don’t take it personally.
You know what I’m talking about. It’s all fun and exciting in the beginning. You do everything together, and over time you both get busy or drift apart for many different reasons. It is natural, friendships, relationships, shit even in families this happens.
I had a friend that I spent just about every day with. She is a good person, but we drifted apart. We are complete opposites. For a while, it wasn’t a big deal but over time I was not the friend she needed and she was not the friend I needed. We naturally drifted apart. I took it very personally at first and I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out why I wasn’t good enough.
I learned I AM ENOUGH FOR MYSELF AND THE FRIENDS WHO STICK AROUND!
4. Not everyone will like you. Gasp!
Yes, I said it. Girl, you are a lot to handle, you have a lot of baggage, and not everyone is going to jump at the chance to be your friend or even like you! SAY WHAT! See even now you’re thinking, I don’t know if I like her. That’s my point. It’s okay! I am okay, you are okay.
You cannot force people to like you. If you have too, they are not your true friends. If you are pretending to be anything other than yourself they are not your friends. Do you really want to be around people who do not like how fabulously flawed you are?
Look I am intense and I know that it is a lot for many people to handle. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It comes across offensive to many. I cannot have sensitive friends. I am not a sensitive friendly person. I learned this about myself. I need friends who can stand up to me and correct me if I am wrong. Call me out on my BS and my attitude. I look for that and cherish that in friends. Because I know this about myself I completely understand when people do not like me. I come with a warning
“WILL OFFEND FREQUENTLY DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, I OFFEND MYSELF TOO”. But I’m funny and I always have the best intentions. I do not like drama and I have no problem cutting people out when they do not show the loyalty I so freely give.
5. Quality over Quantity
Do you want to have a dozen friends you kinda know or six friends who know you better than you know yourself?
If you said six then you get it. Having friends who are your ride or die. Friends who would never rat you out and will take your secrets to the grave. Those are the friends you should be looking for as an adult.
Having a few solid friends is better than dozens who know you on a surface level. Think about it this way. Who are you going to have in the corner when life is throwing punches at you? Who would you call when you have a huge fight with your husband. Who will you call when you are at your most vulnerable state. Will it be those dozen or will it be the few who know YOU and accept YOU for exactly who you are?
Take out menu:
So what can you take away from this post? Friendship is hard as F! To be a good friend to others you must be a good friend to yourself. It’s okay to drift apart from friends, and NOT everyone has to like you and you don’t have to like everyone. BUt ladies lets play nice! Lastly, quality over quantity. Who will be in your corner when life becomes a little too savage to go alone?
Hopefully, you enjoyed this post and want to read more posts like it. I try to keep things light while tackling some serious topics. If you like it subscribe if you don’t well all I have to say is lesson 4!